Marc Softly Chief Information Officer

Mark is a pioneer of web based trickery. He was one of the first people to download duck porn and had six hours of his life sold on eBay against his will.

Educated by dyslexic monks for years he was fed bananas and swung from tree to tree until he was rescued by Kofi Annan and rehabilitated in a foster home in Redhill.

Marc joined the Salvation Army under cover of darkness and ascended quickly through the ranks by adopting inflatable armbands and magnetic shoes.

His grasp of the English language is considered encyclopaedic and his obsession with punctuation legendary. What is less well known is that he is the technological brain behind the Dali Surrealism Processor. It was initially an invention conceived and developed for military use and first deployed in Afghanistan in 2002 when US forces bombed the Bora Bora caves with Mint flavoured Blancmange.

Now in the private Sector General Softly has devoted his life to putting the use of his Dali processor to good deeds.