Self Re - Organisation Kit
In a dramatic and innovative move Juicyfruithippo has unveiled a new product that will go on sale soon. The Self Re – Organisation Kit is designed to help senior managers achieve a permanent level of reorganisation. This addresses the clear need in the corporate market sector that currently finds it difficult to manage any more than four re-orgs in a year. The kit is designed to place the onus of the ongoing reo org process onto the individual freeing up management to work out how to claim the ever diminishing returns.
Permanent re-org is a state thought in the past to be impossible, a management Nirvana, but with the Self Reorganisation Kit it becomes a chilling reality. A Senior Manager in a major corporate spoke to us about this although she wishes to remain anonymous, we shall call them Carol:
JFH: Why is perpetual reorganisation a desirable outcome for you?
C: A moving target is harder to hit, which is a philosophy I always adopt with my sales people. By constantly shifting the sand under the feet of our staff they are less able to get good at what they do, hence I can down rate their performance and keep their salaries low.
JFH: Doesn’t re-org after re-org just mean you got it wrong last time?
C: Absolutely yes, but by the time anyone works that out they have been reorged so far away that no one remembers them, let alone listens.
JFH: How do employees remain motivated in a state of perpetual reorganisation?
C: Change is good! Good is the new benchmark, next year Good will only be satisfactory so Change will need to be better, the bar is always raising, the raison is no bar, our raison d’ etre should therefore be bar none. That is to say raison free.
JFH: Your dribbling spit from the corner of your mouth.
C: Oh am I?
JFH: Yes
C: Sorry.
JFH: Do you see a law of diminishing return coming into play here?
C: Oh, we don’t want the police involved do we. WE DON’T WANT ANYONE GETTING HURT!!!
Juciyfruithippo Self Re-org Kit has been specifically designed with the help of a specially lobotomised Cuttlefish to address the very real desire for business in this modern age never to make up it’s bloody mind.
The Kit Includes:
- Blindfold
- Map to Beachy Head
- Job Description Rubiks Cube
- Refreshing Towelette
- Prozac
- A complimentary Copy Of Joseph Heller’s “Catch 22”
- A target for your back
- Self Assembly Snipers Rifle and Infra Red Night scope
- A job Application form For B&Q
- Ex Lax
- An T Shirt with the slogan “Dispensable FTE” on its chest
The kit will go on sale late July, unless a reorg shelves the project.